Spontaneous Combustion Solved
Last week I thought I was going to die, because I ate a whole bag of Haribo. If you don’t know what Haribo is, they’re sweets that are basically just lumps of sugar and colouring mixed into a gelatinous form. Anyway, I ate a bag of them, and suffice to say felt quite sick afterwards.
And as I was lying there, I swear I could feel all that sugary energy burning away inside of me. I honestly thought that I was going to explode, and started thinking about the stories about spontaneous human combustion I used to read about in magazines back in the nineties. Figured I might have solved the mystery – it’s people who ate too many sugary sweets too quickly – but now I was going to combust before I could tell anyone. Presumably that’s what happened to everyone else who solved it as well, the only clue left being a melted plastic wrapper at their side…
Turned out I was fine though. Or maybe I was just lucky, this time… because I definitely will eat them again. They’re so good.