Vatican City Zoo Struggling To Breed First Angel In Captivity

VATICAN CITY—After months of failed attempts to coax their sole mating pair into conceiving, officials from the Vatican City Zoo admitted Wednesday that they were unsure whether the facility would ever successfully breed an angel in captivity.

The current effort is reportedly part of an ongoing campaign by the zoo, home to Christendom’s most diverse collection of holy fauna, to increase the world’s angelic population, which has dwindled to fewer than 400 heavenly creatures in the wild.

“No systematic attempt to breed winged celestial beings outside their natural habitat in everlasting paradise has ever succeeded, so this is a daunting task,” said the zoo’s director Cardinal Lorenzo Menichelli, who explained that creating the ideal conditions for procreative intercourse would require theobiologists to learn more about angel fertility cycles and courtship rituals. “While there have been occasional signs of a potential pregnancy, such as elevated hormone levels or a dilated halo, each has unfortunately turned out to be a false alarm.”

“Nevertheless, we still hope that one day we will welcome a new baby angel into our zoo’s Heavenly Messenger Pavilion,” he added.

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