Red Riding Hood vs Fairy Town
God I’m tired… but before I go to sleep, I’d like to share again the oldest piece of writing I have, from an exercise book from when I was nine. The teacher IIRC asked us to write a story with fairy tale characters, basically encouraging us to write fan fiction. For some reason I decided to write a legal drama. I’ve tried and tried to make sense of it but… I can’t:
Red Riding Hood vs Fairy Town
(By Me, Age 9)
It was a sunny day in Fairy Town. The people got on with their
everyday business. The occasional fairy flew by leaving a rainbow of
pretty colours. Nothing new, really. Esmeralda, the evil witch,
decided to have fun, or at least what witches consider fun.
Goldilocks was walking through town, having decided to stay out of
forests, when she found a red cape. It was not her favourite colour,
but she put it on anyway. But then she was even more surprised when a
bag of gold appeared in her hands.
Some townspeople saw her and shouted, “Hey! She must have took the gold from the bank!”
Not knowing what else to do, Goldilocks ran into the forest.
“It was that Red Riding Hood!” Someone shouted. "She’ll be off to her grandma’s. Let’s get her!“
The whole town went into the forest with forks and spades and sticks
with stars on the end that terrified everyone. There were not many
crimes around here.
Red Riding Hood had just found out her grandmother was a wolf when
the townspeople broke down the door to her cottage and chopped
grandmother in two. But then they dragged Red Riding Hood outside,
shouting "Send for Judge Porky!”
Judge Porky came and said, “Right! You’re entitled to a fair trial
before I sentence you to fifteen years in prison. Let’s start with the
case for the prosecution.”
“Your honour,” a small man bowed, “ladies and gentlemen, and pigs and goblins and trolls and fairies and elves and witch…”
“Just get on with it!” Said Porky.
“She did it.”
“Alright then. Anything else?”
“I call a witness!”
An elderly woman came up to the bench and put her hand on a book.
“Now,” Porky asked her, “do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
“No,” said the woman.
“Okay, well, did you see who took the gold?”
“It was her!” She said, pointing at Red Riding Hood.
“Right!” The Judge hammered. "Has the jury reached a decision?“
"Guilty!” They said.
“Objection!” Screamed Red Riding Hood.
“What is it?” Asked Porky.
“You promised a fair trial!” She complained.
“But I don’t want to miss lunch…”
“Let me ask the old woman, does she notice anything different about me?”
“Well,” the woman said, “you had blue shoes on when you took the money.”
“Blue shoes?” Red Riding Hood looked around the crowd. "What, like
these?“ She pulled out Goldilocks and put her red cape on the other
"Exactly like that!”
Then Esmerelda appeared in puff of smoke.
“Stop!” She yelled. "I set all this up! I made the gold appear in Goldilock’s hands so that you would all think she stole it.“
"I’ve missed lunch thanks to you,” moaned the judge, “Sergeant! Kill that witch!”
So the people were easily fooled but no one had really committed any
crime, but those who do in Fairy Town certainly get punished.
“‘Ere,” said Daddy Bear, “isn’t that the one who stole our porridge?”