The edits I want to make to Aserion already are – well, there’s quite a few. I think the main ones right now are at the end of chapter four we need more of Kaya’s thought processes and well as Jen’s discomfort at the idea of going out to meet people in town just to be sociable. And in chapter seven we should see more of her discomfort too via Sayuri making observations about her.
Maybe I won’t do those right away though, as it probably is best to get all the story down rather than continually edit things as I go. I’ll make a note and improve those scenes in the next draft.
The whole bit at the end of chapter four needs work. I’m better at the dry humour than physical comedy. That stuff’s hard.
Also I should describe Jen’s robot friends in more detail. They all look different, but if I just focus on the one being interacted with and start giving them names so I can remember them in the future (just for me – I might not use all the names in the story), that should be okay.