Your cousin Throckmorton, the skateboarder.
“throcky” as he is sometimes known
Throckmorton, you know, the Skateboarder, was seen last night in a non-counsel-sanctioned math problem. Agents of the Vague-Yet-Menacing Government Agency are currently on the look out for Throckmorton, you know, the Skateboarder. If you have any details as to his whereabouts, please speak into the nearest available Secret Police listening device.